Thoughts, to express thoughts or not to express thoughts
“I don’t think my opinions are stupid and others do; so it is better to keep them to myself.” That sentence surprised me a lot specially coming from a teenager. Being one myself I find it strange that someone who wants to keep their opinions to themselves especially because we normally don’t like to be outspoken. I myself believe that your opinion is a very important thing that can show people who you truly are. I think that everyone should be able to express their opinion freely but without discriminating anything or anyone. I also believe that if you keep all your opinions to yourself, you would be a very outspoken person who never really has any input into what is going on around them. Also sometimes one person’s opinion can make a difference, for example Nelson Mandela didn’t agree with the racism that was going on in South Africa so he took a stand and expressed his opinions and made life a lot better for “black” people (no offense intended) and he also became the first “black” president of South Africa. So if you keep your ideas to yourself you might never get what you and your thoughts wouldn’t be heard so no one could support or oppose your thoughts. these are opinions on self expression and that is why I believe that we shouldn’t hold back on sharing our thoughts with the rest of the world.
December 1st, 2006 at 10:26 pm
Ideas and Content: I thought that you were focused and clear about what you were talking. I also thought that is was good to give example about Nelson Mandela; it was interesting than just reading your thoughts.
Organizaition: I thought you had a nice introduction and conclusion. There were both simple and I thought this writing was nicely organized in logical manner.
Voice: I thought you have fairly enough voice. However, I think it would be better if you show more emotion, humor, honesty, and suspense for life.
Overall, I think your writing is great. But maybe it is better to add little more to increase your writing.
Honoka
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:24 pm
Hey Mariano
Your organization was ok, but I would put some of your ideas into paragraphs and add more ideas or thoughts.
You mentioned about Nelson Mandela that could be a paragraph. Things that you could include in that paragraph are the things like; what would happen if he didn’t stand up for his opinion? Why did he stand up for his opinion? Was that an opinion he thought through carefully, or an opinion he just comes up with because he is one of the “black”, so of course he thought it was unfair? Sometimes people’s opinion can be stupid. And so, he did have to think things through carefully.
One more last thing for your organization; it would be better if you put your conclusion as another paragraph.
Ideas & content was good, because you stick to your main point. You used a good example; it was a strong supportive detail. I think that you put Nelson Mandela as one of your examples was really good, because he had the courage to speak out his mind, and he changed things for the rights of others. If he have kept his opinion to himself, the world would think of the “black “differently, and they still wont have their rights.
December 6th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Hana
Word Choice: I thought it was descriptive, broad range of words. Your words and phrases were clear.
Sentence Fluency: your writing was smooth and your words were expressive when you said, “that sentence surprised me a lot specially coming from a teenager. Being one myself I find it strange that someone who wants to keep their opinions to themselves especially because we normally don’t like to be outspoken.”
Conventions: You have a strong control of conventions but I believe there was 1 error on capitalization.